How the fuck can you stay sane around here?
Is that a question you asked yourself often? I ask myself that question everyday. I'm on that downward spiral you get on when you think your life is turning to shit and the only way to get it back on track is to sell your soul. I've been there before. I've been tempted to say Fuck It and just give up, but there were too many people counting on me. Now, there are still people counting on me, but I think I'm going to fail them anyway so whats the point?
Fuck points.
What I need to do is just become a stripper and pay the bills. Oh yes, I have thought of it many times. I see it as an easy way out.
Everyone else sees it as selling my soul like I mentioned before. Don't knock it. I know a stripper who bought a house and a BMW. She wanted to be an interior designer and was paying her way through college. It didn't hurt that she was a hot Nordic looking chick. Beautiful people always win.
My mom wanted me to become a journalist. Yea, right. Do you see the shit I write everyday? Who will publish it. I write to help me not commit suicide or be committd because I haven't been able to do anything on a canvas in years.
But I'm rambling.
You can continue whatever it was you were doing. I'm done.
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Sometimes...
It is me, again. Your friend, Janie. I've been listening to Redman and now I want to go up to Jersey and visit the family. Then the mood deserted me as soon as it came. Maybe later. Not anytime soon.
Jersey isn't bad, don't get me wrong. I love it up there. But sometimes...
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Fucking fuckers.
This is how I feel today.
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Today in history
Today marks the 91st anniversary of the
assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife Sofia which set off a chain of events which lead to the first World War.
It also served as the inspiration behind the name of the rock band
Franz Ferdinand.
If you put the name in a
search, the band will come up first.
So much for history.
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Yes, I'm still up.
If you type in my address and put blogpot instead of blogspot you get
this.
Bible mega site.
Fabulous.
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I can't sleep.
Here it is. 7:09 in the morning and I am sitting in my bed thinking about nothing. Just random stuff. It's annoying the hell out of me. The birds are chirping cheerfully outside which is also annoying because it's cloudy and gloomy and fucking 7:00 in the fucking morning.
There are so many things I have to do and for the past week I've been sitting up at night stressing myself out because I'm scared I am going to fail. I'm not going to get back in school, I'm not going to find a better job, I'm not going to clean my room...I am going to be stuck as I am for the rest of my life.
I know that's ridiculous. I tell myself that all the time. You're being dumb, Janie. You're being a drama queen. Get a grip. *slap*
My pep talks to myself never works. Kind of like when you tickle yourself. It dosen't tickle unless someone else does it. You never tried to tickle yourself? Good for you. It's a silly thing to do.
So today the great search continues. Are you tired of hearing about it? I'm tired of writing about it.
So I won't write about it until I post again.
Thats probably going to be in the next hour.
I would apologize in advance but I wouldn't mean it,
So I won't.
Those fucking birds.
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Blogger of the week
This is
Jay VHe is a prince among men.
He has kicked many an ass in his day.
See? He kicked someone's ass in this photo.
Probably yo momma's.
Just kidding.
He is also awesome for helping me.
Thank you, Jay V!
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This job hunting adventure I am currently on is exhausting. Sometimes it feels demeaning when you walk to a business and ask for an application. Usually the person who gives it to you looks down their nose at you as though unemployment is one step up from being a bum when I know they did the EXACT SAME THING TO GET THEIR OWN DAMN JOB.
Along with that, when you apply online and post your resume, you get everyone and their momma sending you job proposals that sounds shady and illegal. I recieved an email the other day from a company called Independent Charities Foundation. The position they offered me was picking up donations and dropping them off as promptly as I possibly can. Read it yourself:
Dear job seeker,
Independent Charities Foundation is looking for part-time (2-3 hours/day) recruits.
1. What we need from you?
We need the responsible and punctual person who will be taking care of regional donations. "Taking care" means to make these donations reach the destination point as fast as possible. No delays. This is so because the donations are coming to a place where they are really needed this time. If donation is late, the charity action may not be performed at the proper time. That's why we require the punctuality from our applicants.
2. How does it work?
You will be receiving tasks daily (in mornings) by e-mail. The task should be completed during the day. You shall dedicate 2-3 hours/day to complete it. If the task could not be completed this day you have to warn me 1 day before. The task will contain information on current donation passing through your hands. You will receive all details about where this donation is coming from, how to handle it, where it's going, and how to make the transfer of it.
Dosen't it sound like I'll be making runs for the Mafia? They said they paid $40/hr so of course I emailed them back. They sent an email saying I'll be running to banks and post offices mainly. Hmmm...banks, eh?
Maybe I should stop being so picky. So what if there is a chance I'll be arrested for transporting drug money? I need a job.
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Yes, I am an idiot.
I have never pretended to know what I was doing. I type what I want to say, push a button, and voila, my inner most thoughts can be seen by anyone in the world with a computer and a lot of time on their hands. I've known this for a while and I accept this.
Now that I have got that out of the way.
I honestly don't know how to get rid of the original comments page now that I have Haloscan. Yes, I know it is not rocket science. I'm sure I can find a ten year old to do it for me, but I'm asking you in the most humble way I can.
Help.
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I am so tired of dumb fucks.
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Zombies are your friend.
I have to see this movie tonight. No big deal. It's not like i'm deathly afraid of zombies or anything because that would be dumb. Zombies don't exist right? Isn't it stupid to be afraid of something that dosen't exist?
Well, that depends. Is it dumb to be afraid of the number thirteen (triskaidekaphobic)? Is it dumb to be afraid of wide open spaces (agoraphobic)? Is it dumb to be afraid of vegetables (lachanophobia)?
Maybe to some people, it is. But we all have fears and my fear happens to be zombies. Yes, zombies. They scare the fucking hell out of me. But I'm going to see that movie anyway. Why? Because
I think its a dumb ass fear and I need to get over it.
Apparently there is no name for it (but fear of vegetables has a name) so I will name it Necrophobia. Or maybe there is a name and I didn't look hard enough. I got things to do. I don't have time to be looking that up. But I did find
this on my search. It's good to know i'm not the only one with this fear but this is kind of wierd. I think it's serious, too. Whats really funny is the author is Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft's son.
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Can someone tell me what the hell
this is?
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Read a damn book!
Whatever happened to this guy? How he ever went from Kunta Kinte to Lt. Commander Geordi LaForge to the Reading Rainbow guy is beyond me, yet somehow commendable. Way to go, LeVar!
Speaking of Reading Rainbow, i've realized that unlike him, all this time I have been recommending books for you to read and not telling you why you should read them. I guess it would be too much to ask you to take my word for it. In this case, it would have to be because there is already five books in the list and i don't feel like telling you why you should read each of them. I do, however, want to suggest you read The Five People You Meet in Heaven. If ever you feel like you have no purpose or that your life has no meaning, that book can make you feel otherwise, if for only a little while. No, it will not give meaning to your life. Its fiction, after all. Still give it a try. And that, kiddies, is the Reading Rainbow segment for the week.
You know, I used to love that show.
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.
I like him.
Matthew Good
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I've been thinking about starting an all girl rock band and calling it Pussyfoot Peaches. Now all I have to do is learn how to play something and/or sing.
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uh oh
uh ohI can get used to this unemployment thing. So much time on my hands, I really don't know what to do with myself, which is a nice change from ripping and running (as my grandma calls it). But i've been slacking off on the showering.
Thats next on my to do list. After I take a nap.
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For your amusement and mine.
Thanks Rob!
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Are you hiring?
Yes, my friends, the great search for the new job has begun. Well, it began yesterday, but today is when I take it serious. I bet you are wondering why this is such a big deal. People lose their jobs all the time and find new ones. Yes, that is true, but it has never happened to me.
I have been employed for seven solid years and when I leave, it is on my terms which usually involves a two week notice and a smile that says "Fuck you, I'm gone!" Not this time. Not only did it come out of nowhere, but it came from some bullshit.
(Fuck you, James. I hope one of your many fuck buddies gives you the STD you deserve.)
But, alas, i'm not bitter.
On the contrary. This is the opportunity i've been waiting for. I called it a dead end job many times before and I won't miss it. Just (most) of the people i've grown to love over the last year and a half. I'm really going to miss you guys and maybe you'll miss me too.
So, now that i've got that out of the way. If you are an employer in the Atlanta area, hire me. I work hard and I smile alot. I'd be the best employer you ever had, or at least I'd try to be, and I promise i will never curse you out to your face. That is what led to my termination at the other job. We will hence refer to it as hell. May all the managers I hate rot in it.
But i'm not bitter.
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I got fired yesterday. I'm not quite freaking out yet, but I am pretty damn close. This means the back-to-school fund is on hiatus, along with me paying my bills. That may be a problem. I'm still kind of hung over. I'm probably going to drink some more and get my resume together, but first, the drink.
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Yum
Are you hungry for pussi?
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Can you imagine what a guy with a potato peeler, some honey and a jar of fire ants can do to you? I couldn't until my co-worker told me. He's been through some things, apparently. I don't even want to know what else he's seen.
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Tonight, my cousin and I went to see The Birds at Piedmont Park. You do know what The Birds is, right? Of course you do. I've never seen it before and I call myself an Alfred Hitchcock fan. It was ok, the only part I didn't like was the ending. The "victims" finally realized those birds weren't going anywhere and got out of the city, drove into the moonlight (rather than the sunset) and left the birds behind. What I wanted to know is
why was the birds attacking? Maybe thats a dumb question because no one else seemed to care about that little detail.
I had a good time. Dranked about a quart of sangria and ate sushi. Then I came home and my uterus started to hurt. Did that gross you out? Grossed me out too. I never want to hear about someone's uterus and what do I do? I post about it. Well, these are my inner most thoughts here. I wouldn't even share that little tidbit with my boyfriend. You should feel special or you can never read my blog again. Either way, I'm never going to do that again. I apologize.
But to get the record straight because that can be interpreted in many ways, I did not have rough sex or masturbated with a dildo in the shape of a fist (which is disgusting and something I never understood.) Alrighty. You can go and read something happy to get these visuals out of your head. Me? I'm going to sleep off that sangria.
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Oh yea...
In other news, which is two days late because i've been too lazy to get off my ass and post, Michael Jackson was judged not guilty.
We're you in as much awe as I was to see the woman in the green releasing doves? Doves. What the fuck?
I would also like to mention that because I couldn't find a picture of her anywhere, I had to once again "borrow" a photo from
Tony Pierce's page. I hope he dosn't mind, or better yet, not know. I also "borrowed" the photo of Giselle in the lovely Chez Che! Swimsuit. Hopefully, that's not what it is really called. Do you want to see it? Scroll down, lazy fucker.
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Mike McConnell can kiss my ass.
I just heard this newsradio segment called "The Weekend" hosted by
Mike McConnnell and he was discussing how the school system in Philidelphia was forcing the students to learn African-American history and how it wasn't fair and how they (the school district) were "imposing" our history on them. WHAT?! Imposing our history? What he was basically saying was that all they need to learn is "American" history, that being the history of the people who contributed to this country. So I guess black people didn't really make that important of a contributuion to this country, is that right? When I was in school, American history pretty much consisted of all the Europeans who left England to establish this country and their history from then on, and black people? Oh, they were enslaved and freed and now they live among us. We got a few paragraphs in the entire book! They gave Malcolm X a sentence. Martin Luther King? One paragraph. George Washington Carver? Half a paragraph. And that was only the black people they thought were important.
What this man was saying, is that our history is not important, how learning it will not get you a good paying job. If that was the point he was trying to make, then how is me learning about George Washington going to get me a good job? How is me learning about JFK going to get me a better job? SCHOOL IS ABOUT KNOWLEDGE!!!!! ABOUT LEARNING ABOUT THE WORLD AND PEOPLE AROUND YOU!!! THAT IS WHY WE LEARN HISTORY AND SOCIAL STUDIES!!! School does play a huge part in you getting a good job after graduating because your employer wants you to be intelligent and well rounded. I agree with that, but it is also about knowing your past, the history behind what made this world what it is today. And I am not only talking about black history. I'm talking about ALL of our history. Irish, German, Chinese, Japanese, Dutch, whatever. WE ALL CONTRIBUTED TO THIS COUNTRY! What Phildelphia is doing is taking that first step to learning about more than just the Europeans and colonists. You have to start somewhere. Our American History textbooks is so full of holes and gaps and propaganda (yes, propaganda). It's about time they did something about it. Yes, they started with black history. Is that so bad? We are important, whether you want us to be or not, and to say that our history isn't important enough to learn about, then you are a fucking idiot.
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Awww, Mikey.
It's over
Mike. Retire already. Sell some cooking grills or something.
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I love my job. Ok, not really.
I think I'm going to do a little restaraunt rant such as we see on
Waiter Rant.
Yesterday at work was crazy enough because they were having two festivals on the block the restaraunt is on. I knew this already and thought I prepared myself for the idiots, assholes, fuckfaces, dumbasses, bitches, and whoever else decided they wanted to bug me before I get off. I didn't.
First comes a group of people who says the owner said they could buy 12 larger pies to sell outside. We did know about this, but thought they only wanted 8. We got the owner on the phone and had her speak to him herself because she was getting pissed off about us not knowing about the other four. She gets the phone and we overhear her asking him for 4 more pies. So in that, we caught her trying to hustle us. Then this woman goes and takes the pies and sets up a table, which we knew she was going to do, but she sets it up right beside the door that leads from the inside of the restarant to the festival. So anyone who wants pizza that heads to us will see her selling first and of course get their slices from her. At that point, me and my co-workers were so tired, we didn't care.
Then later on, a group of six people, who comes pretty often walks up to counter and stares in rapt fascination at the menu like its the Holy Grail. I sit at the counter as patiently as I can, while twirling my pen very impatiently. This is how it happened.
Idiot #1: So what do y'all want?
Idiot #2: I don't know...what do you want?
Idiot #3:I don't know...
Idiot #1:...
Me (thinking): You fuckers have been here a million fucking times.
Idiot #2: I think I want pizza.
Me (thinking): YOU'RE AT A PIZZA PLACE! WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GOING TO GET?!
Idiot #2:Y'all want pizza?
Idiot #3:I don't know. Do you want that?
Idiot #1: I don't know...
Me (thinking): Oh my God.
Idiot #1: Ok...lets get a large pie.
idiot #2: You sure you want a large?
Idiot #1:I don't know. Do you want something else?
Idiot #2: A medium?
Idiot #1: Is that what you want?
Me (thinking): Thats what she fucking said she wanted, fuckface.
Idiot #3: Lets just get a large.
Idiot #2: Ok.
They finally ordered. Then they needed beer.
idiot #2: What do y'all want to drink?
Idiot #1: What do you want?
Idiot #2: I don't know. what do you feel like drinking?
Idiot #3: hmmm......lets have beer? Is that ok? A pitcher?
Idiot #1: Whats good? What kind of beer you like?
idiot #2: I don't know. What do they have?
Me: Miller lite, High Life, Sweetwater 420, Bass, and Red Brick on tap.
Idiot #1: You don't have Bud?
Me (thinking): Did I say we had Bud on tap?
Me: No. We have that in a bottle.
Idiot #2: So what do y'all want?
Idiot #3: I don't know...
Me (thinking): You fucking idiots.
Me: Do y'all like dark or light beer? (By this point, there was a line behind them and they all looked PISSED off.
Idiot #1: Hmmm....I guess Red Brick...? Is that ok?
Idiot #2: I guess...you ok with it?
Idiot #3: Yea sure.
I pour their beer as quickly as I could so they could get the hell on. They go to leave to sit down and the first thing the next group says is "I thought they were never going to order. What a bunch of idiots." I smile. Exactly.
One good thing came from the festivities, I saw Darth Vader.
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Have you ever heard an Asian guy with a southern accent. It's actually quite hilarious.
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What dumb fuck came up with "Bennifer" (Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, I refuse to call her J.Lo) and "Brangelina" (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie)?
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If you are reading this you have given me brief control of your mind.
I saw that on a customer's t-shirt last night. I felt really dumb because I started to read it aloud and when I figured out it was a trap, the guy already had a smug, self-sastified smile on his face. Way to go, loser. I did what your shirt wanted me to do. Now lets see if you can wear a shirt that will get you a life.
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And this, my friends, is the exact moment where pop culture officially turned Che Guevara from a revolutionary to a pop icon. I'm almost positive half the people who end up wearing this swim suit will not have a clue who he is, what he did, or anything beyond the fact that Jay-Z wore his image on his t-shirt during his concert on MTV.
Kory, you were right.
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When you're drunk, you think you can do anything.
Last night I helped my friend celebrate his birthday by going bar hopping and getting drunk. I always say (when I am sober) that I want to be the person I become when I'm drunk. Why? I'm more open, more talkative, more everything i want to be when I don't have any inhibitions. But of course, I wake up the next morning with a headache and swear off drinking for the rest of my life. That usually translates to two days or the next time I have $20 to blow at the local bar.
At some point during the night, I drunkenly wrote on my arm things I wanted to write in this blog so I wouldn't forget. The title of this post being one of them. I felt like I COULD do anything. I''m glad I didn't test that theory out. I would have ended up making a fool of myself or being arrested. Neither of which really mattered to me last night. Normally I care about me landing in jail or not. I also wrote about a post-Bond Sean Connery movie from the seventies they were showing on a screen in the V.I.P. room. A lot of people fucking, him carrying a gun and wearing speedos. It was very disturbing.
All in all, I say it was a good night.
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Damn.
Don't you love it when you have a really funny friend and everything they say is hilarious, but then they something serious that isn't funny at all but you laugh anyway because of the way they said it and you're so used to laughing whenever they open their mouth, and they look at you like you're an inconsiderate jerk?
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Laundering money.
There is nothing like washing clothes and finding money you didn't know you had on the bottom when you're finished. It was $22, by the way. The proceeds will go to the Back-To-School-Fund. $39 down...$1761 to go.
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Don't you want a mail order bride, you perv?
I was surfing through my links and decided to check on
Mr. Fung to see what clever little ancedotes he had to share with us, when I noticed a new link on his site (which is now a link on mine). I found the site hilarious. Kind of similiar to
Black People Love Us but with funny ass Asian women who were merely striking back at the stereotypes placed on them. I thought it was brilliant, but of course there are the people who find it offensive and ridiculous. And of course, they had to leave comments telling the sites creators how offensive and ridiculous it is. Here's a thought. Instead of taking the time to tell them how dumb their site is, why don't you do this instead. NOT FUCKING READ IT! Just a thought. Or maybe you want everyone to know how ignorant you sound. If you're too lazy to scroll down my links list, take your lazy ass over
here. It's still morning, so laziness is forgivable.
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